Der Große Adventskalender TP – 7. Türchen (Teil 2)

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H: I’m not going to say it. I say that I never took vitamin D until I lost my hair, and then they checked my blood and they found three things that were like terribly missing. and I started adding them to me.

N: That’s good. I might – when I come home and I still remember I’ll take the vitamin owl jaws out of the cupboard again, or wherever they are. I don’t even know where they are, I think the cleaning lady put them someplace, but I haven’t rediscovered them yet.

H: They have a spot in my kitchen and it’s very difficult for things to gain a spot in my kitchen.

N: I know, you’re very defensive about spots in your kitchen. You would like my cleaning lady. She defends my kitchen spots and she puts things into cupboards and I forget about them and don’t find them again.

H: Maybe we have regular conferences about you behind your back.

N: Maybe, and maybe I get scurvy – I remember that word because, as I child, I read all those books about people on sailing boats – and it will be your fault because behind my back you do video calls with my cleaning lady, and you put my things away into cupboards and then I don’t remember them.

H: I could offer a service, I could offer the service to remind you of taking your vitamins.

N: Yeah.

H: Yeah. I see you don’t want it, I’m building bridges here.

N: Yes, but when do you remind me, you would have to do it early in the morning or late at night. Otherwise I’m not in the same place as my vitamins, or I could take them into the office, put them on my desk and be a crazy person who always takes vitamins.

H: You can put them in your little fake box.

N: I could, but then either I never take them or otherwise I have to move and touch the fake box every day and then it’s not perfectly aligned anymore, which is its only purpose: to be perfectly aligned.

H: I see the problem. But I wanted to come back to the kitchen space and spots that may be occupied, and why it’s a problem in my kitchen and slightly less of a problem in your kitchen. Because  my kitchen is so big. Imagine my kitchen countertops, being so filled with stuff as your kitchen countertop is, that would be millions of things and the thing is, people always open boxes with cereals and stuff, then they put it on the counter top, and then it will be there forever, and then roaches will come into the kitchen and mice and rats.

N: Oh I thought I had a mouse in my house yesterday 

H:  We sometimes have mice in our house.

N: Yes, but I’m on the second floor so it’s not natural for me to have a mouse in the house. But, you know, the cats were so excited and always wanted to go below one certain cupboard and I didn’t understand why. And then I saw those little, you know, the droppings. But I investigated, I examinded the droppings and it was chocolate sprinkles. And so, I probably don’t have mice in my flat but I have neurotic cats. Which is the default for cats.

H: We had mice in the basement last year and then my husband took the cat and locked him into the basement. Then he went to sleep, and waited until somebody let him out again. So we still had mice in the basement, then at one point the, what’s it called, exterminator came and then they were all dead. 

N: In my old house where I lived on the fourth floor, I once had a big rat right in front of my door on the fourth floor. My neighbor saw it, and rang my doorbell to ask if this was my rat. And then I said no, and he said we have to get rid of it and went back into his apartment and closed the door, so I thought, oh, by we he means me. And I looked at the rat and the rat looked at me and then it jumped out of the window on the fourth floor and it was dead.

H: This was an easy solution to the problem.

N: Yes, and an unexpected one. And a bit sad, it didn’t look nice and why did it do that? I would not have killed it, I would have caught it in a box and taken it down to the banks of the river Main where it would have lived happily ever after.

H: It saw that the neighbor who was huge fled from you and locked his door and so it thought I am just a tiny rat I stand no chance.

N: Anyway, I talked about birds with my daughter yesterday and what kind of creepy creatures are those really, you know, they have those enormous beaks in relation to their bodies, and they are outside and they fly around and where do they live and how do they sleep? When I was small I thought they live and sleep in the nest. But this is not the case.

H: They are weird, and do you remember when your daughter was little and my husband went on this expedition with her.

N: I remember that – they found the mysterious fur.

H: Yeah. So I think it was already 10 years ago when we knew that an ornithology expedition is nothing that we would appreciate. Every now and then we have birds in the – conservatory. And sometimes my husband helps the bird, finding the way out, we have the same problem with bumblebees because we have so many bumblebees in the summer because we have all those plants that are bumble bee friendly because we like bumble bees and so we  put little water spots everywhere like spa for bumblebees.

N: In my old flat I used to have birds in the attic and very often also in my bedroom because I lived on the top floor and so when the window is wide open during the day, sometimes birds come in and also sometimes cats come in and you go to sleep at night, and you find a cat you don’t know in your bed.

H: You always lived in the city, but I remember having bats in my bedroom at night.

N: We have bats in the backyard now.

H: Nice!

N: Oh, the connection is very bad now, and we have spoken about many things already. Now you sound like a xylophone, no, like chimes. I’ll stop that now.