Der Große Adventskalender TP – 10. Türchen

H: Hello, hello.

N: Angela. Angela. Fuck you THING. I said, there you are. Not Angela.

H: I have interesting news for you.

N: Okay. what is it?

H: We have the flu.

N: Oh my god, that’s so boring. Are we going to talk about the flu for 24 days now?

H: No, but until yesterday we only guessed that we have the flu and now we know that we have the flu.

N: You could have bought the test on Amazon!

H: Oh, Mr. November is coming in, hello, hello, how are you?

N: He can’t hear you, your’re on headphones. He’s getting a beer from the balcony.

H: Yeah, Friday. So, we went to the doctor, and the doctor looked at Jonathan and said, Oh, you got the flu.

N: Did he just look or did he do a test? If he just looked it’s like on the train where you have those electronic tickets only consisting of a QR code now and they look at it and nod knowingly and say “OK” like they have laser eyes or something and can scan QR codes with their eyes. 

H: There wasn’t much testing, there was some examining but not much testing involved.

N: Was there any testing?

H: I don’t know, I wasn’t in the room..

N: Okay. Because these days also sometimes doctors diagnose Covid over the phone, which I think is quite an achievement. 

H: She looked at several body parts.

N: Which body parts? Which body parts are affected when you have the flu?

H: Now, I wasn’t in the room, she probably measured things, looks into the throat, probably, but the interesting information for the doctor is that the kid has a fever and it’s been 12 days now. So, this is not what people normally have, like, a fever that is 12 days.

N: Is it the swine flu?

H: No, I guess it’s not. You know, ever since you turned 50 we only talk about sickness and illness, all the time!

N: So the interesting thing here is that I am 50 and you are sick. I am still in perfect health.

Is it sort of sickness by proxy, or being 50 by proxy – I’m not sure now.

H: The funny thing is that I anticipated that you say something like that. I only saw you would formulate it a bit sharper.

N: Okay, what did you think I would say?

H: Something like what you just said, only sharper. But I also had the follow-up reply. 

N: Maybe I am more empathic now that I am 50.

H: Yeah, maybe because you’re so old. Now maybe you’re more interested in sickness.

N: Oh, no, I’m not interested. I just fake it.

H: Yes, but you never faked anything when you were 40 something.

N: Maybe you look so frail and sick now that I feel an obligation to fake interest.

H: That was very touching, I almost believed it! So now we have to talk about different things, you know before you were 50 we talked about sports and sex all the time and we had these pyjama parties…

N: And we polished our nails together!

H: This is even true.

N: Yes, you have to just spice in the truth sometimes so it’s more believable as a whole.

H: Yeah, and we even have like photographic material for doing the nails. I think we never did the toe nails together though, but that’s not a thing that I am interested in doing together.

N: No, no, I’m not interested in doing my toenails at all. I think it’s uncomfortable. You can do my toenails if you like.

H: No, no, I I learned that when my mother had the accident. And she couldn’t do it, of course and we decided that somebody else has to do it for her. I can’t. 

N: Actually I have very nice feet, I have someone who takes care of the regularly. How do you call this person? A pedi something. A foot woman.

H: A mani-pedi person. Footman is Jane Austen again.

N: A foot lady. She does that very well but she doesn’t to nail polish, on principle. She says it’s harmful for your nails and she says that my feet still have baby nails, so pure and light and she won’t ruin that with nail polish.

H: Okay, my nails have been polished for 30 something years now, So I guess it doesn’t matter anymore, so I can continue.

N: My footnails have never been polished, I could never be bothered.

H: Yeah. You have nice feet, even without  – oh my god this is ridiculous.

N: Yes. I have pizza on my mind because I’m very hungry. What did you eat today?

Well, what *did* I eat today? Find it out here!

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